Change

I've heard it said that one of the only constant things about change is that it is constant. This has definitely proved to be true with our little family. This spring we made major changes to the dynamics of our family, and the term family became more loose for us.

Since attending Kindergarten this year Alex has struggled with the large class size (30 children to 1 teacher), an impatient overworked teacher, a non supportive principal, many trips to the principals office, and falling behind in his class. As a result of all of these things he's been also struggling at home behaviorally more than we've seen for a long time. In early February we determined that we all needed a break to get some perspective on the situation so we took Alex up to my parents for a visit.

We were unsure how he would do with the other kids due to past experiences but amazingly he was more confidant, and even lead most of the activities and play.  He knew games they didn't, had been the only child with his own room which he felt made him more special, and he'd developed likes and preferences and was able to feel confidant about who he was.

What an incredible transformation it was to watch him with the kids. Two weeks after dropping Alex off we went to visit, and as we were leaving I was feeling anxiety, and guilt, and as I said goodbye to Alex I told him how much I'd miss him. His response was "well can I keep Millie (our dog) I've really missed her!"

 I was stunned at first by his response thinking he was going to miss me as much as I missed him but then I remembered how he saw the world. From the day he was born he didn't have a mother, he'd been passed from home to home, lived in a shed, and then the orphanage. He'd never learned how to attach to another, understood what it meant, or what it felt like to truly create a lasting bond of attachment. The fact that he'd attached himself to our dog was progress. At least he'd attached to another living creature, even if it was a dog!

As I reflected on the way he saw the world I realized Alex felt safe and happy when he had food, structure, and consistency. Where he got them didn't matter as much as that he did.

During the summer we had Alex, Rahel, Samuel, and Sarah live with us from mid June until mid August. Despite all of us being crammed together in our little house, and the kids normal behavioral issues it was a good summer. The kids bonded more than they ever had and we saw progress with their behaviors.

Towards the end of the summer we were prayerfully debating what the next step for Alex would be.  The elementary school the other kids attended was working well with my parents to meet the kids needs, and  had a  small class (11 students to 2 teachers) for children needing more help entering the first grade. Alex and the other kids had also created a strong bond that we were hesitant to break.

One day amidst our fasting and prayers Alex shared with Ryan that he wanted Rahel and Samuel to be his brother and sister again. As painful as it was we knew the best place for Alex was with the other kids.
We learned the painful lesson that when you love a child you do what is best for them when they need it.

We have vowed to always be apart of Alex's life, and also feel we can help love and support the other two kids as well whenever and however they need it. For now we have committed to take them camping and have them stay with us every summer.

Though it's been incredibly difficult to take a less active role in Alex's life, we know we helped him when he needed us most and that we will always be there for him. Perhaps it really does take a village to raise a child!